


It Was Always You

by fiftyshadesofstony



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Developing Relationship, M/M, a lot of Tony running from his feelings, smut (but not till the end!)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-23 09:35:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiftyshadesofstony/pseuds/fiftyshadesofstony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony never expected things to last with Pepper. He also never expected that she would end it because she was cheating. But when Tony finds comfort where he least expects it, he does the only thing he knows how to do: he runs from the one thing that would make him happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, this is my first ever Steve/Tony fic and i'm pretty damn excited about it! This entire story was kind of inspired by three songs by Panic! At the Disco: "Always", "Calendar", and "Sarah Smiles". Take a listen to them if you want, cause they're all pretty kick ass songs! Anyway, read on my lovlies, and I hope you all enjoy this story as much as I do! 
> 
> Also, this was beta'd by the always awesome Stony22. I love him a whole lot, and I can't thank him enough for helping me with this!!!

It all started with that argument on the helicarrier: Cap throwing his hateful words at Tony and Tony spitting his words out with the same amount of venom. Tony didn’t know it at the time; he couldn’t see it. But that first encounter he had with his childhood hero, where the Captain didn’t quite live up to the legend, was the beginning of something amazing.

 

“I can’t believe that geriatric unitard wearing capsicle had the nerve to say that to me!”

Tony said storming into his lab.

“Well Tony, he’s from a different time…”

Pepper volunteered, taking a seat on Tony’s workbench.

“No! Nu-uh, no way! You are dating **me** , so you do not get to sit here and defend Captain Asshole!”

“Tony…is it really that serious? You guys just rubbed each other the wrong way which, honestly, shouldn’t surprise anyone.”

Tony’s hand shot up to his chest as he gasped.

“Well I never! I’ll have you know that I make a habit of rubbing everyone the right way!”

A grin spread across his face as his eyebrow shot up towards his hairline. Pepper couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re a mess, Tony.”

“Yes, but I’m your mess and currently, this mess is pissed that a 90 year old man in a star spangled unitard said such shitty things about me!”

Tony plopped down next to Pepper, and slowly nestled his head up to her neck. She began stroking his hair as he continued to whine (because honestly, this level of complaining could rival that of a 5 year old), and rolling her eyes as she strapped in for what was sure to be an endless night of reassuring Iron Man.

  

One would have thought that after an entire night of venting, Tony would have gotten over his tiff with Steve. However, Tony Stark has never been known to just let things go (he currently holds the record for longest grudge ever held). So Pepper knew that something was up when three weeks later, Tony was still griping about it.

“I mean, where the hell does he even get off?”

Tony asked, breaking the kiss that he was so lazily participating in.

“Are you kidding me?!”

“No, but really though! Technically, Steve is Stark Industries property. Maybe I should let him know that I’m not above refreezing things that I own.”

Pepper was straddling Tony as he sat in his chair. She had come down to the lab in an attempt to take Tony’s mind off of everything with Loki and rebuilding ~~Stark~~ Avengers Tower. But it was clear that he only had his mind on one thing: Steve.

“Tony, this is ridiculous, I’m sitting on top of you, offering up all of this…”

She motioned up and down her body for emphasis on what exactly she was offering.

“And all you can think about is _STEVE_?!?”

Tony blinked slowly for a moment, then smiled up at her.

“The great thing about being a genius is that my mind can focus on more than one thing at a time!”

Pepper looked at him in utter disbelief. When she realized he wasn’t joking, she threw her arms up in the air in defeat.

“I literally cannot win with you!”

She got up and all but stomped off (well…it wasn’t so much stomping as it was delicately wisping away in an angry manner), leaving Tony slightly hard and confused.

  

Over time, things got better and better between Tony and Steve. Apologies were exchanged (Steve apologized, Tony shrugged and told him he wasn’t as terrible as he could have been), and somehow a friendship formed. At first it made no sense why the pair spent so much time together. Tony was a man of the future while Steve was literally a man of the past. As annoying as it was that he always shad to repeat himself at least four times when explaining things, Tony loved seeing Steve’s face light up at every new piece of technology that he came across. Obviously, Tony would poke fun at Steve every chance he got, but Steve came to appreciate the teasing. He couldn’t give as good as he got, but Steve was learning how sarcasm worked in the 21st century.

“So here we have an IPod. It holds all your music so you can take it everywhere you go. Though I doubt you really need to take ‘Brother Can You Spare a Dime’ with you outside of this house.”

“Oh haha Tony, you don’t have much room to judge. Your ‘music’ sounds like a cat being mauled by a lawn mower.”

Tony glared at Steve with all the intensity he could muster.

“Cap, you can insult me all you want but you do not get to insult Bon Scott, Brian Johnson and the melodic sounds of ACDC.”

Steve’s small grin faded as it dawned on him that Tony might be serious.

“Tony I…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. Honestly, I was just kidding.”

It took a minute for Steve to notice the slightly upward twitch of Tony’s lips. Instantly any guilt he felt melted away.

“Tony, you are the absolute worst!”

Steve laughed as he gently punched Tony’s shoulder, and both men froze at the contact. It wasn’t the first time they had touched; it was just the first time they had done so in a friendly situation. A blush began to creep its way onto Steve’s face, and for some reason it made Tony smile. Thankfully, he realized that he was grinning like an idiot before Steve’s eyes rested on him again. In the interest of making the current silence a little less awkward, Tony raised the IPod in between them.

“So…back to the IPod. You may be thinking ‘Oh Tony, don’t you have some kind of Stark Industries portable music playing device?’…”

“That’s not even close to what I was thinking…”

“And the answer, young Capsicle, would be yes. However, the technology in this device is about 10 years behind the tech in my Stark Pod, so I figured this would be easier for your senior citizen brain to handle.”

“I’m not sure if I should be insulted that you don’t think I’m smart enough for your tech or to be grateful that you’re taking it easy on me with this stuff.”

Steve said, hesitantly grasping the IPod.

“You should be grateful that I’ve deemed you worthy of my presence.”

Tony said, shrugging with a smile. Steve just rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“I’m pretty sure your presence is more of a curse than a blessing.”

“Ouch Cap, that hit me right here,”

Tony said, his finger making an audible ‘clink’ as it hit the arc reactor under his wife beater.

“Well, I’m adapting to your sense of humor, so either stop teaching me how to be sarcastic or learn to deal with it.”

The two of them sat in Tony’s workshop like that; joking with each other and genuinely having a good time, when the sound of heels clicking on the concrete floor interrupted them. Tony didn’t even have to look up to know who it was.

“Hey Pep, what’s up?”

“Hello Miss Potts. How are you doing today?”

Tony rolled his eyes at how proper Steve was around Pepper.

“Hello Steve, I’m uh…I’m alright.”

The second she spoke, Tony knew something was wrong.

“Is everything alright?”

He asked, finally turning to look at her. She looked on the verge of tears as she bit her lip, not meeting his eyes. She took in a long breath before turning to Steve.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt the two of you, but Steve would you mind giving me and Tony a little privacy? We’ve got some important things we need to discuss…”

Steve looked warily between the two of them before he stood up.

“Of course Miss Potts, he’s all yours.”

He gestured for Pepper to take his seat, as he stepped out of the way.

“I’ll uh…I’ll see you later Tony.”

Steve said, taking notice of the look on Tony’s face. As he walked out of the workshop, Steve couldn’t help but wonder what was about to happen.

  

“So…is everything ok? You look like you’ve been crying”

Tony took a good look at Pepper’s face. Her eyes were puffy and red while a trail of almost dried tears streaked her cheeks.

“We need to talk…about us.”

“But I thought we had this unspoken understanding that as long as I show up to the meetings you schedule, I won’t have to talk about my feelings.”

“Tony…I’m trying to be serious.”

“So am I Pepper! There’s never been a conversation involving me and my feelings that’s ended well.”

“TONY!”

He jumped at the boom of Pepper’s voice. As impossible as it seemed, Tony closed his mouth and sat in silence.

“I can’t do this anymore. I just…I can’t do this with you anymore.”

The two of them sat there in silence for quite a while. It took a bit for the words to sink in but the second Tony understood what Pepper was saying, he began to panic.

“Is…was it something I did? Was it all this nonsense with Loki?”

“No Tony…”

“Was it the fact that I almost died trying to fly that missile into space? Because I tried to call you, honestly I did!”

“Tony, no. it has nothing to do with that…”

“Is it the Avengers? Iron Man? I mean, what do I need to do to fix whatever it is that I’ve broken?”

“For god’s sake Tony, you didn’t do anything! It’s just…there’s someone else.”

The words hit him like a fist to the gut and Tony had to clasp the arc reactor as he tried to gasp for air.

“There’s…someone else?”

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t intend for things to happen this way. I…I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to carry on with you while this other man was looming over our relationship.”

Pepper searched Tony’s face for any signs of emotion. Her heart sank, the second that she saw a look of understanding and anger.

“How long has this been going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean how long have you been unhappy with me? How long have you wanted to end this? And how long have you been _cheating_ on me?”

Pepper opened and closed her mouth, searching for a response.

“Cheating on you?”

“For both our sakes, please don’t pretend as though that isn’t what this is.”

“Oh…well I’ve always had my doubts about us. I mean being the CEO of Stark Industries and Iron Man’s girlfriend are both full time jobs. Eventually something was going to fall apart. As for…the rest, I knew that I needed to end this the second things with Loki were over.”

“Jesus Pepper, you didn’t think that maybe somewhere in the THREE MONTHS since we defeated Loki, it would be good to tell me that you didn’t want to be with me anymore?”

She flinched at the hurt she heard in Tony’s voice.

“It wasn’t that simple.”

“Right, and cheating on me was so much easier?”

The reality of the situation began to weigh on Tony as he clutched the arc reactor a little tighter.

“I never expected this to last. I mean let’s be honest, no one knows better than I do that everything I love gets ripped right out of my hands. But this…I never expected this from you. If you wanted to go you could have told me. I’m fully aware that I don’t deserve you…”

“Tony…”

“I’m just surprised it took you this long to see it. I would have let you go; all you had to do was ask. You could have told me that I wasn’t what you wanted anymore. You deserve to be happy, even if it’s with someone else. But three months Pepper? You went behind my back for three months…”

There was so much more that Tony wanted to say, but the words couldn’t make it past the lump in his throat.

“I’m leaving for Malibu tonight, and I um…I won’t be back for a while.”

Tears were streaming down Pepper’s face in earnest now. When Tony didn’t respond, she stood up to leave. As she made her way to the door, she turned to take one last look at him.

“I truly am sorry for all of this, but we couldn’t keep living a lie. I promise you, Tony, that this is all for the best.”

The second she got to the door, she heard a quiet sob fall from Tony’s lips.

 

Pepper successfully made her way out of the workshop and through most of the house without running into anyone. When she got to the kitchen, however, she noticed Steve making a sandwich. As badly as she wanted to just run for the front door, her feet pulled her right up behind him. He turned and jumped, slightly startled, as he noticed her.

“Hello again Miss Potts…”

He spoke hesitantly; the smile fading from his face as he took in Pepper’s appearance. He began to chew on his lip, obviously wanting to ask a question but not wanting to overstep any boundaries. Pepper couldn’t help but give a tiny smile at how truly adorable Steve was.

“If you have a question, you’re more than welcome to ask.”

Steve hesitated a bit at the invitation, but went for it anyway.

“I’m sorry if this is a rude question, but is everything alright with you and Tony?”

“Thank you for your concern Steve, but I’m sorry to say that Tony and I are no longer in a relationship.”

The genuine look of sorrow on Steve’s face was enough to choke Pepper up. When he noticed how hard she was trying to fight back tears, he pulled out a seat for her. Before taking a seat himself he offered her his sandwich. After she politely declined, he took a seat and began to speak.

“This obviously isn’t my place Miss Potts, but as Tony has become a good friend of mine, I feel like I should share my opinion with you.”

Steve sighed, giving Pepper a chance to tell him to stop. When she didn’t, he continued.

“Tony’s not the always the easiest guy to deal with, I know you know that better than anyone. But I also know that you are the only person that truly makes him happy. He literally beams whenever he’s talking to or about you. Now I haven’t known him very long but from what I’ve heard, it’s hard for him to connect with people the way he has with you. What you two have is special and for what it’s worth, I think you should reconsider ending your relationship. I am sure that Tony is sorry for whatever it is that he’s done.”

They sat there in silence until Pepper let out a small laugh, which caught Steve off guard. She met his eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek and she smiled at him.

“Steve, I want to thank you for being such a good friend to Tony. Though my decision to leave him honestly has nothing to do with anything he has done, I can’t change my mind.”

“Oh, ok. Well thank you for hearing me out, and again, I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundaries.”

“You didn’t. You’re a concerned friend, and I appreciate you giving me your opinion…Do you mind if I ask a favor of you?”

Pepper said hesitantly. She hadn’t been very sure of herself since she set foot in the kitchen, but she knew she needed to do this.

“Of course Miss Potts, anything you need.”

“Well first, please call me Pepper. I’d like to think of us as friends, so you don’t have to bee so formal.”

“Pepper…”

Steve whispered with a slight blush, trying out the name.

“Second, I need you to watch after Tony. This break up is going to be hard for him to get through and I don’t want him to fall back into his old ways.”

Though only Pepper had been around to witness it, they were both fully aware of how bad Tony’s ‘old ways’ were.

“Um, not that I don’t trust your judgment…Pepper, but don’t you think that this is a task better suited for Rhodes? Someone who’s known Tony longer and someone who he trusts?”

“Steve you’re the best man for this job. I know you two didn’t quite get along in the beginning, but you’re friends now. I know how much you care about him and you’re the only one who won’t run when he tries to push you away.”

He let those words sink in. It’s true, he wasn’t Tony’s biggest fan at first, but over the last few months Steve had come to understand and even like him. As hard as he knew it would be, Steve couldn’t say no to helping him through such a difficult time.

“I’ll help him, but if things get hard may I call you for help?”

“Oh you won’t need me; I know you’ll be ok. Plus JARVIS is always here to lend you a hand.”

Pepper said as she stood from her seat. Steve felt the need to stand beside her and once he did she rested a hand to his cheek.

“I know that I’m asking a lot but I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for the best.”

“I…I know.”

“I won’t be seeing you for a while, so I just want to say thank you…for everything.”

Pepper wrapped her arms around Steve, causing him to freeze. She may have thought of him as a friend, but he couldn’t bring himself to hug her back. She took a step back to give Steve one last smile before she left the house. He stood there conflicted: he didn’t know whether to go comfort Tony immediately or give him space. He decided to let Tony be until the next day. Then he would try to follow through on the promise that he’d made to Pepper.


	2. Chapter 2

“Tony…”

He turned around from the task at hand to see Steve standing in the workshop with some food. 

“What is this, room service?”

Tony asked, removing his goggles.

“Well no, I just figured since you haven’t left the workshop in over 24 hours, you might be hungry.”

He stopped to think about what Steve just said. He’d been down in the workshop for an entire day, which wasn’t out of the norm. However, he’d barely gotten anything accomplished because he was doing more hiding than he was working. He hadn’t seen or spoken to anyone since Pepper had left him, and he still didn’t want to interact with anyone. But there Steve was, with food that smelled delicious, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t starving.

“Ok, I’ll take the food. What did you bring anyway?”

“A burger, fries, and a beer.”

“Should I marry you now or later?”

Steve blushed slightly as he handed over the tray. 

“Just eat the food Tony.”

He did as he was told, and began to chow down. To his surprise, Steve took a seat and watched him eat. 

“Can I help you?”

Tony said around a mouthful of cheeseburger.

“Well I just figured I could keep you company…”

Tony’s face twisted at that. The last thing he wanted was company. 

“Don’t you have a date with the Statue of Liberty or something else ridiculously patriotic to go do?”

“Unfortunately, Lady Liberty isn’t returning my calls, so I’ve got nothing but time today.”

Steve gave Tony the smuggest look he’d ever seen, and dammit who taught the Captain how to be smug in the first place? Tony internally face-palmed as he realized the answer to his question. 

“Damn you for being such a quick learner.”

“The Super Soldier Serum really is a wonderful thing.”

“Alright look, I’m going to let you stay, but you can’t talk. Just sit here in silence, got it?”

“I think I can manage that.”

 

After that first day, a habit formed. Steve would bring down food and then the two of them would just sit there while Tony worked. Steve being completely silent lasted all of five minutes, but Tony just gave up on pretending to be irritated by all the questions. As much as he hated to admit it, Tony actually enjoyed having Steve around. Aside from Bruce, no one ever expressed an interest in the things that he did. Though he knew practically everything he said was going over Steve’s head, Tony saw that he was trying and he couldn’t fault him for that.

 

Tony wasn’t the only one who enjoyed having company around. Steve couldn’t say he always understood what was going on, but he liked watching Tony work so hard on things that really mattered to him. Steve knew that they had been spending a lot of time together in the workshop, but he didn’t notice just how long they’d been down there until Thor brought it to his attention. 

“Captain, where has Man of Iron been? I have not been graced with his presence in quite some time.”

“Thor’s right. Tony’s been down in that workshop for three weeks straight. What’s up with that?”

Clint asked, stealing one of Thor’s pop tarts from the toaster.

“Barton, my friend, I suggest you relinquish that pastry back to its rightful owner, if you do not want to incur my wrath.”

Clint handed over the pop tart and threw his arms up in defeat.

“Tony’s been working on a lot of different projects. He’s just been really busy.”

Steve said, setting up today’s lunch tray. 

“And what do any of those projects have to do with you? You’ve been down there almost as much as he has these last few weeks.”

Clint said, narrowing his eyes. Steve had no idea why the suspicious look made him so uncomfortable, but he felt as though he had something to cover up. 

“He’s been making a few modifications to my suit, so I’m just down there giving my input.”

He wasn’t sure if Clint bought his excuse, but it wiped the suspicious look off his face. 

“So it has nothing to do with the fact that Pepper hasn’t been seen or heard from since the day Tony locked himself in his workshop?”

Steve froze at that. In the three weeks since Pepper had left, Tony hadn’t mentioned her at all. He had no idea that Steve knew about what happened between the two of them, and he probably wouldn’t be too pleased if everyone else found out as well.

“Don’t start rumors Clint.”

Natasha said, grabbing a mug to make herself a cup of coffee. Steve took her entrance as his chance to dodge Clint’s question and to make a break for the workshop. He couldn’t help but wonder what the others must have thought of his spending so much time with Tony. Something stirred in him that he hadn’t felt since his pre-serum days with Bucky. He felt the need to yell it from the rooftops that he and Tony were just friends, nothing more. He wanted to squash the suspicions of his teammates and there was only one way to do it. 

 

Later that night, Steve sat in bed reading The Great Gatsby. With every sentence he read, his mind would drift to his previous conversation with Clint. He wished that he could call Pepper, and ask her for help, but as he remembered her last few words, he looked up towards the ceiling. 

“Jarvis?”

“Yes Captain Rogers?”

Though Steve had gotten used to the fact that there was an invisible man that he couldn’t see seemingly living in the ceiling, it still always took him off guard hearing Jarvis respond. 

“I need your help.”

“Anything, sir.”

“I need to find a way to get Tony out of his workshop, but I don’t know how.”

“May I suggest giving him a good reason to leave the workshop?”

Steve sat silent for a moment.

“Not to be rude Jarvis, but I know I need to give him a reason to leave the workshop. I just don’t know what that reason should be.”

“Master has been very sorrowful for the past few weeks, yet he hasn’t truly dealt with those feelings. Perhaps you should give him the chance to drown his sorrows in a place where he will still be safe.”

Steve tossed the idea around in his head.

“Are you suggesting that I get Tony drunk?”

“I am suggesting that you give him a chance to let loose while keeping an eye on him so he does not go overboard. But simply put, yes. I am telling you to get him drunk.”  
Steve smiled up at the ceiling. He may not have been able to see Jarvis, but he could almost hear the light-hearted grin in the A.I.’s voice. Steve started formulating a plan as sleep began to wash over him. When his head finally hit his pillow, he noticed the lights begin to dim.

“Thank you Jarvis…For everything.”

As his eyes fluttered shut, Steve was able to catch Jarvis’ last words.

“Thank you for taking such good care of Tony.”

 

The next day, Steve set out for the workshop on a mission. He was going to get Tony to come upstairs even if it killed him.

“So…what are you up to tonight?”

Steve asked, nervously observing Tony at work.

“The same thing I do every night. I’m gunna sit down here and work.”

“Oh, well I was thinking maybe you’d like to accompany me and the rest of the team on a bonding exercise.”

Tony stopped what he was doing, lifted his glasses and turned to look at Steve.

“I’m pretty sure that letting all of you live in my house is all the bonding I’m ever going to need.”

“Look, it would mean a lot to me and everyone else if you came out with us tonight. Thor’s never been to a Midgardian bar and once Clint heard that, he decided we should have a team bonding night where we all get shwasted.”

“Shwasted? Really Steve?”

“Those were Clint’s words, not mine. Anyway, you in or what?”

Steve was trying hard to make this invitation as casual as possible, but Tony could see the slight look of desperation in his eyes. 

“Why are you doing this? Why now are you asking me to spend time with you guys?”

Steve chewed his lower lip, debating whether to tell Tony the truth or not.

“Well, no one but me has seen you in the last three weeks and they’re all starting to wonder what’s up with you.”

“Oh really? What do they think?”

“…That you and Pepper are no longer together.”

The room fell silent, save for the whirring of Dummy.

“What do you think Steve?”

Tony looked Steve right in the eyes and Steve could feel his cheeks begin to burn.

“I…I think that you’ll tell me what’s going on when you’re ready.”

Tony was many things, and stupid wasn’t one of them. He knew it was only a matter of time before everyone figured it out, which was half of the reason why he locked himself in his workshop. But he was beginning to miss fresh air, and being bribed with the promise of alcohol was never a bad thing.

“Alright Cap, I’ll come out tonight. But if I find out you only invited me so I could foot the bill, you’re dead.”

“I’m just going to ignore your threat, considering it’s nearly impossible to kill me. But I’m glad you decided to get out of this stuffy workshop. I’m sure you’ll have a great time tonight!”

Tony couldn’t help but smile at how excited Steve seemed. He just hoped that Steve’s prediction for the night wasn’t wrong.

“This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I asked you to come out with the team.”

Tony turned around to see Steve standing in the living room doorway. 

“Well Cap, this is how far I got before I realized that I’ve got a perfectly good collection of booze right here.”

Tony lifted the glass of whiskey he was currently nursing and gave his best smile.

“The whole idea of tonight was to get you out of the house. You know, get you back into the real world. Not for you to sit here and drink all by yourself.”

“I can get just as drunk on my own, and plus I don’t much care for the real world.”

Tony took a swig of his whiskey while Steve took a step closer.

“How much have you had to drink?”

“Enough to be thankful that I don’t have to drive myself home.”

“Tony…”

The look of slight disappointment on Steve’s face was ruining Tony’s buzz. He intended on having himself a little pity party and he wasn’t going to let Steve stop him.

“Why are you doing this? I just want to drown my sorrows in some really awesome alcohol…preferably alone.”

“I’m doing this because I promised someone that I would look after you.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at Steve.

“Did Pepper ask you to look after me before she left?”

The guilty look on the Captain’s face answered Tony’s question. 

“Oh, so that’s why you’ve been spending so much time with me.”

“No, I’ve been spending so much time with you because you’re my friend…you’re my best friend Tony.”

Steve slowly sat down next to Tony on the couch.

“Since I’ve, uh, woken up, you’ve literally been the only person who treats me normally. Everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. treats me like I’m some sort of national treasure. All I am to them is just the key to more super-soldiers. As for everyone in the house, we’re a team but I hardly think they consider me a friend. You are the only person I’ve met who hasn’t made me feel out of place. I mean, you’ve taken the time to teach me all about the 21st century. However I’m not sure if you’re doing it because you want to or if it just irritates you that much that someone could be so unfamiliar with technology…”

“It’s the latter…”

“Regardless, I didn’t just spend three weeks of my life hanging out with you because I made Pepper a promise. I did it because I care about you and I know what it’s like losing someone important to you. I just didn’t want you to have to go through this alone.”

The two of them sat there in silence. Steve had just laid out a lot of things on the table and Tony didn’t want to deal with any of it.

“So you left the bar just to check on lil ol’ me?”

“Of course I did. So the least you can do is drink with me and we’ll drown our sorrows together.”

Steve said, snatching Tony’s glass and pouring himself some whiskey. 

“News flash Cap, you can’t get drunk.”

“Well there’s no harm in trying.”

 

A few hours had gone by, and the other team members had long since come home and fallen asleep. Steve and Tony were sitting in the living room, laughing about their younger days.

“Did you really rescue all those men from HYDRA?!?”

Tony was way past drunk, which meant he couldn’t care less that his Captain America fanboy was showing. 

“Sure did! Boy, you should have seen the look on Peggy’s face when I led those men back to our camp!”

As Tony predicted, Steve was just as sober as he was when they began drinking. But for some reason, being around Tony while he was drunk seemed to loosen Steve up…until he mentioned Peggy. A sad smile spread across his face as he thought back on that day. In Tony’s mind, there was nothing worse than a sad Captain America. He needed to change the subject.

“So…wanna know what happened between me and Pepper?”

“Tony, are you sure?”

“Yeah, why not. Besides, I want to get that sad smile off your face.”

Steve’s cheeks grew slightly pink as Tony sighed. Though he was drunk, he knew that this conversation wasn’t going to be easy.

“She decided to leave me. At first, I thought what took her so long…”

“Tony…”

“No it…it’s fine. I always knew she was too good for me; it was only a matter of time before she figured that out too. The kicker is she cheated on me. I mean I never expected this to last forever; being Iron Man’s girlfriend and Tony Stark’s keeper must get old fast. But I never expected this, not from her.”

“Do you think you deserved this?”

Steve’s question startled Tony. He’d never given any thought to what he deserved out of this relationship. 

“Kind of, yeah.”

“How do you figure?"

“Well everything good in my life gets taken from me, and Pepper’s no different. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of before this came along…”

It took Tony a moment before he was able to find the arc reactor. Once he did, he tapped his finger on it.

“No matter how badly I’d like for Iron Man to offset all the wrong I’ve done, I know he doesn’t. Things like this are just the world’s way of making things right.”

“Bullshit.”

Steve all but whispered.

“Excuse you?”

“Bullshit Tony. I don’t buy that for a second, and I don’t think you do either.”

“How do you figure?”

Tony smirked as he recited Steve’s previous question.

“Well, the way I see it, you decided a long time ago that you deserved everything bad that ever came your way. I can’t imagine why, but it’s because of this that you don’t fight for the things you want.”

“I fight for a lot of things I want. You were there the night I fought Clint for the last slice of meat lover’s pizza!”

“That right there is what I’m talking about. You hide behind your wit and sarcasm when you don’t need to.”

“Well what the fuck else am I supposed to do?!?”

“Deal with it! Bad things happen to really good people sometimes, but you can’t just shut down and give up. Where do you think I would be with that attitude? I lost everything and everyone but if I can still get up and live my life, you can too.”

Tony started focusing less on Steve’s words and more on his face. The way his eyes grew wider when he put emphasis on a word. The way a little dimple appeared in only his left cheek when he spoke. And fuck, when did his lips become so perfectly kissable? Tony was aware he was staring; he just couldn’t bring himself to stop or to care.

“We were both given second chances at life, so we shouldn’t waste them. Punishing ourselves for things we did or didn’t do. You deserve to be happy, just as much as anyone else does.”

Before he knew what he was doing, Tony sprang forward and pressed his lips to Steve’s. It was chaste, and didn’t last nearly as long as Tony would have liked, but it was more than he ever could have hoped for. When he opened his eyes, Steve sat in front of him, face redder than Captain American’s boots.

“Oh god Cap, I…I’m so sorry.”

The apology came spilling off his tongue and with so little thought that it took him a moment to realize that Steve had pulled him back into the best kiss he’d ever had. Steve had his hands planted on either side of Tony’s face, and Tony would be lying if he said this wasn’t the hottest thing he’d ever experienced. Steve licked his bottom lip and a low moan escaped Tony’s mouth. He effortlessly moved from the couch to Steve’s lap and found that his erection was matched by the man underneath him. Steve moved his hands to rest on Tony’s hips and fuck if that didn’t make Tony harder. All he wanted to do was trail kisses down Steve’s neck and perfectly crafted stomach, before swallowing his cock. The thought alone was enough to make Tony come right then and there, until a realization hit him right in the gut. He was wasted, harder than he’d ever been, making out with Captain fucking America. At that, Tony pulled away abruptly, only to be greeted with the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. Steve was sitting under him, panting with swollen lips and pupils blown with lust. 

“Oh fuck me!”

Tony exclaimed. It only took a fraction of a second for him to realize that that probably wasn’t the best choice of words. He immediately stood up, becoming aware of just how hard his dick was.

“I um…I have to go.”

He said before bolting out of the living room. As drunk as he was, Tony knew that not even the coldest shower would help fix this. Not only had he made out with Steve (which, oddly enough had been on his bucket list since he knew what kissing was), but Steve had kissed him back. There was no going back after this and Tony had no idea how to deal with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as i did and brace yourselves because chapter 3 is gunna be so awesome you won't be able to handle it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hey there guys! sorry about the delayed update. the fun part about this is that i've had this typed up for over a week, i just haven't gotten around to adding it until today. oooooops! anyway, did anybody notice the subtle change in the number of chapters for this story?!? now there's 4!!!! so you get one more lovely installment of this great story because i made chapter 3 way too long and had to split it in two parts! as interesting as i know you all must find my ramblings right now, i'm sure all you want is to get on with reading the story. so read on loves, hope you enjoy it!

Tony woke up the next morning feeling like the Hulk had tried to squish his head like a grape. He hadn’t been this hungover in a long time and all he wanted was to just sleep until the hangover went away. As he returned to full consciousness, Tony realized something: he was in his bed. The last he remembered, he had vowed to just live in the workshop until everything didn’t hurt anymore. And then it hit him like a ton of bricks; he remembered why he was in his bed. After drinking so much and making out with Steve, the only place he could think to run to was the one place he knew Steve wouldn’t follow. Thinking of the events that took place the night before made Tony’s cock twitch. He groaned, and buried his head in a pillow. When did this happen? When did his teenage crush on the good ol’ Captain resurface and turn into this? Tony couldn’t deal with these thoughts, at least not without three cups of coffee and maybe some toast. He quickly checked the clock and took note that it was almost two in the afternoon. No one would be in the kitchen so he could make his coffee and slink off to the workshop. At least that was the plan, anyway.

Steve hadn’t slept a wink. The second Tony deserted him, oh so confused and so very very hard, he just sat there, shocked. Tony had kissed him, but surprisingly enough he pulled Tony back in for another. There was no mistaking what happened last night, and that scared the life out of Steve. He immediately sought out the gym; he had a lot of energy to get rid of thanks to the couch shenanigans and there was no way he was going to finish what Tony started. After about fifteen minutes of relentlessly attacking a punching bag, he had to stop completely. Usually, whenever Steve would have inappropriate thoughts about Tony (and when the hell did THAT become a thing?), he would just got to the gym and punch them out. But for the first time ever, it wasn’t working. He knew, for a while now, that he had strong feelings for Tony that far surpassed wanting to be friends. Half of the reason why he agreed to look after Tony was so he’d have a reasonable excuse to spend ridiculous amounts of time with him. At first Steve tried to fight it; Tony was his team member and his friend, and there was no way that having these feelings would be conducive to their line of work. But day in and day out, Steve would find more and more things about Tony that he found irresistible. Thinking about these things made his pants feel a little tighter; he groaned and decided that maybe a cold shower would be best. Unfortunately, after squirting shampoo in his hand, Steve began thinking about how hot Tony looked straddling him, and how good the brush of Tony’s goatee felt against his face. Before he knew it, Steve’s fist was furiously pumping his cock. 

“God dammit!”

He said, quickly moving both of his hands to the shower wall. Steve wasn’t necessarily opposed to getting himself off. He was in the army after all; at one point his right hand was his best friend. It was the fact that thoughts of Tony always seemed to creep into his mind right before he jerked off. As a last resort, Steve decided to go for a run. He took his sketchbook so that he could stop at different spots to draw what he saw. Drawing never failed to clear Steve’s head, and he needed that clarity more than anything if he had any hope of figuring out what to do about Tony.

 

Tony tried his hardest to move like Natasha (she was far stealthier than any ninja could ever hope to be). He was able to make his way to the kitchen without being spotted. He gave a sigh of relief right as he reached the coffee machine, and he became totally oblivious to the world while he smelled the intoxicating aroma of the ground coffee. As if on cue, the second he turned around, Steve came sauntering in. They both stood shocked, like a pair of deer in headlights.

“Tony, I… Good morning. Oh, uh afternoon, rather.”

A flush crept up on Steve’s face and Tony cursed him. A grown man had no right looking that cute while blushing.

“Um…I was just on my way to the workshop.”

“Want me to bring you lunch?”

Steve asked instinctively.

“No! Uh, I mean no you don’t have to. I’ll be alright today.”

The room fell silent, save for the sound for the coffee maker. Tony wasn’t ready for this, seeing Steve the day after their couch make out. But Steve apparently didn’t share that sentiment.

“We need to talk about what happened last night…”

“The hell we do! We’re just going to go on with life like this never happened.”

“Oh, so I should bring you lunch today then, huh?”

“…So maybe everything won’t be our standard procedures of operations.”

Steve stood there silent, visibly fighting with himself on what to say. Tony took the opportunity to cover his ass as best he could. 

“Look Cap, I was drunk and I was feeling lonely. Unfortunately, you were the closest body so I went for it. I’m sorry that it happened and it won’t happen again.”

Tony’s words seemed to end the battle going on in Steve’s mind. He let out a long sigh before he spoke.

“What if I want it to happen again?”

“Come again?”

Tony internally slapped himself for his choice of words.

“What if I want to make out with you again? What if I want to feel you sitting on my lap again? What if I want to hear all those moaning sounds you made again? Tony, I’m not sorry about what happened last night, and I doubt you are either.”

Steve was standing within an inch of Tony’s face now, voice slightly harsher. Tony wanted to run, but his feet wouldn’t budge.

“How…How are you so sure I’m not sorry for what happened?”

Tony knew better than to challenge Steve when he was so obviously right, but it was almost like second nature. Tony wasn’t able to give his words much thought before he felt Steve’s hand palm him through his jeans.

“I know you’re not sorry, because you’re as hard as a rock right now.”

A shudder passed through Tony’s body, as he slowly but surely got his brain to function enough to push Steve’s hand away. He was panting at this point and it took a moment before he could form words again.

“Listen, you don’t want this Steve. I get that you’re all alone, and I’m the first real friend you’ve made since your Cap nap but this…I am not what you want. I mean are you even… Do you… Are you even interested in men?”

“I had a lot of time to think Tony, and I know exactly what I am.”

“Oh really? When, between thawing out and fighting crazy people playing dress up as super villains, did you have time to figure this out?”

“Tony, I’ve always been… This way. Bucky was the only one who ever knew I was attracted to men. Lord help him, he tried to find a girl that I’d be sweet on…”

“A girl you’d be sweet on? Do you listen to yourself when you speak?”

“… But after a while, he figured it out. So I’ve always known that this is who I am. However it took me until two hours ago to realize that I am attracted to you and that’s ok.”

Tony let everything sink in when something suddenly hit him.

“Why’d you just now become ok with finding me attractive?!”

“Really Tony?”

“Yeah you’re right, it doesn’t matter anyway because nothing is going to happen between us.”

“Tony, clean out your ears and listen to me! I want this. Why is that not enough for you to give this a shot?”

Tony sat there silently thinking about the question he was asked and how exactly to answer it.

“I refuse to give this a shot because I can tell you exactly how it will end. We become attached, I do or say something that hurts you, we call the whole thing off and end up ruining our friendship and the team.”

“I see right through you, I hope you know that.”

Steve said, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re trying to act all noble, like you’re denying this thing that you want because you’re trying to be selfless. You’re just scared. You don’t think you deserve to be happy, so you punish yourself by denying yourself what you want. Well you just need to get over it.”

“Excuse you?”

“You are not the only one whose feelings are at stake here. You are not the only person who’s ever been hurt before. You’re allowed to move on and you’re allowed to be happy. I know better than anyone what it’s like to want to wallow in the past forever but at some point you need to pick up and move on. So when you decide that you’re done sacrificing your happiness to make up for your past, come find me.”

Steve turned to walk away and Tony was stunned. He figured he could just brush off the couch incident and that would be that. He had no idea Steve would fight so hard and fight for him, no less. 

“You really are stubborn aren’t you?”

Tony whispered. Steve stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. 

“How do you think I survived being allergic to practically everything but air? I’m more stubborn than a tree stump so you better get ready. Cause I’m not giving up on this.” 

Tony stood in the kitchen, mouth agape as Steve walked away. All he wanted was coffee and maybe even some toast. How the hell did his simple plan to obtain sustenance turn into this?

 

When Steve finally reached his room, he’d let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Not only had he confessed that he had feelings for Tony, but he told him that he wanted to try a relationship. This day had gone in a direction that Steve never could have predicted. He wanted someone to talk to about this but he had no idea who to go to. He ran through the list of friends he could trust with this, but only came up with Tony and Jarvis. As great as Jarvis was, Steve knew he needed to talk to a real person. There was on person who came to mind that may have been the most trustworthy person on the planet, Steve just didn’t know whether or not they would give a damn about his issues. He decided to take a chance and made his way down the hall. When he finally made it to his destination he quietly knocked on the door. He stood there for a moment, and when no one answered, he considered leaving. Just as he turned to go, he door opened. 

“Steve, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, uh, hi Natasha. Mind if I come in? I need some advice.”

Natasha stepped out of the way to let Steve in. If he was being honest, Steve didn’t really think of Natasha as a friend. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her, he just found it hard to actually befriend women.

“So what exactly did you need my advice on?”

Natasha asked taking a seat at her desk. Steve couldn’t help but ring his hands in his lap. He hadn’t told anybody about his feelings for Tony and as accepting as he knew people in the 21st century were he still had his doubts.

“Well… It’s about Tony.”

“Hmm, is everything alright.”

“Not really. You see… The other night when we were supposed to do our team bonding…”

“You mean the night when you and Tony ditched us at the bar to sit in the living room for hours?”

Natasha’s lips quirked up in the closest thin to a smile that Steve’s ever seen on her face.

“Uh…yeah, that night. Well Tony had gotten to drinking while we were talking. One thing led to another and he… Uh, he kissed me.”

“So you’re looking for advice on how to deal with him being attracted to you?”

A flush of pink crept its way onto Steve’s cheeks as he spoke.

“Not necessarily. You see after he kissed me, I kissed him back…”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before Natasha let out a small laugh. Steve looked up, startled, only to be greeted by a full on smile spread across her face. 

“I was wondering when you guys would finally make a move.”

“What?”

“Anyone with eyes can see that you two like each other. I mean you’ve spent the last three weeks just keeping him alive in the workshop.”

“I was just being a good friend.”

“Steve, no one voluntarily spends that much time with Tony Stark unless they’ve got more than feelings of friendship for him.”

“I guess that’s true. But I don’t know what I should do. I tried to talk to him about what happened, and somehow I ended up confessing that I want a relationship with him.”

“Geez that must have been some kiss!”

The transition from light pink to deep red happened almost instantaneously as Steve felt his face warm up. As awkward was it was for him to admit his feelings out loud, it felt good getting all of this off his chest.

“So you want a relationship and the king of commitment issues isn’t having any of that?”

Steve nodded shyly.

“Well I just think you should give him some space; let him figure things out. Then if that doesn’t work, just walk around shirtless until he can’t stand it anymore.”

“Do you…are you serious? Would that actually work?”

“Trust me, with your body, it’ll take him a week to crack.”

Steve gave a small smile. He initially thought he was making a mistake coming to Natasha for advice, but luckily he was wrong. She not only gave him good advice, but she made him feel that wanting to be with Tony was acceptable.

“Thank you Natasha, for all your help.”

“You’re welcome.”

Steve stood up and made his way out of the room.

“Natasha?”

He asked, turning in the doorway to face her.

“Hmm?”

“Would you mind keeping this just between the two of us?”

“Well as your team mate and friend, I promise that this will stay between us.”

Steve walked back to his room, confident that with Natasha’s advice, he could change Tony’s mind. 

Tony retreated to his workshop after the little confrontation he had with Steve. He tried so hard to avoid everyone; so of course he’d run into the one person he was running from. He didn’t know what to think of Steve’s actions, he also had no idea what to think of his words either. Never in a million years would he have imagined that Steve would want to be with him. Granted, Tony was well aware why Steve would be attracted to him (Tony is the definition of narcissistic after all), he just couldn’t understand why he’d want to be in a relationship. All relationships were good for was making things messy and complicated, and if Tony had learned anything from the failure that was he and Pepper, it was that he had no business being in a relationship. Tony racked his brain for any sign he may have missed; anything in the past three weeks that gave away Steve’s real feelings. He sighed when he realized that he couldn’t even figure out when his own feelings surfaced, so he’d never be able to figure out Steve. Tony’s mind was hazy with thoughts of the previous night combined with the confrontation that happened minutes ago. It felt more than amazing to have Steve’s soft lips pressed to his, and Tony would be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking about how great it felt to straddle Steve while they were both so hard. Tony’s eyes snapped shut as he remembered the feeling of Steve palming him. His own hand traveled down to his lap, just to mimic the gesture. He gasped at the touch, and groaned, as his hands seemed to work his pants opened without any thought. His mind wandered to the events last night as he took hold of his cock. He imaged what would have happened if he hadn’t run away: Steve grabbing his ass, deepening the kiss and moaning. He imagined himself sliding out of Steve’s lap, freeing his cock and swallowing him whole. The thought of how good Steve would taste mixed with a mental picture of how wrecked he looked after their make out was enough to push Tony over the edge. He shuddered as he came with Steve’s name on his lips. It took a moment for his brain to reboot, and when it did he sighed, heavily. He hadn’t gotten off on the thought of Captain America since he was a teenager, and now that he had their make out session on his mind, he’d never need anything else to get him off again. As he cleaned himself up, Tony ran a hand through his hair. He knew that turning Steve down wasn’t going to be easy, but with all the fantasies floating around his head, he’d be lucky to make it out of this alive.


End file.
